I know that this title has the potential for a plethora (Yes, I like this word… it just sounds so good to me) of smartass remarks and jabs but I have been feeling this way for the last few days. A lot has been going on with me over the last 6-9 months in my personal life that I have had to deal with. The forefront being my separation and divorce. Through that entire ordeal, the only thing that I could count on and rely on to be there and not throw me into a complete tailspin is my Diabetes. It sounds really weird even as I write this but it is true. The one constant in my life is my Diabetes (my job being a close second but that is besides the point.) Granted, Diabetes may never be consistent in its methods (and madness) but it is always there. I always know what I must do, I know that regardless of who I am, what I do, how I act or where I am, Diabetes will be there as well. Unfortunately, I can not say the same for my personal life.
I am not going to go into any specific details of my personal life, because this is not what this blog is about, but I will touch on it to try and convey my message. The divorce was ultimately my decision but the reasons for it were jointly charged. I feel it was the best choice for everyone involved to ultimately make sure that everyone is happy. The decision was not an easy one and made the last 6-9 months particularly hard on myself and I am sure others in the family. Even with all of the stress and changes and everything else I had to go through, the one thing that I always had to go back to, to keep me grounded and to keep my head on straight was Diabetes. Why? Because I always knew that I had to make sure that my Diabetes was on point if I wanted to live another day. If I let my personal dealings interfere with my Diabetes, catastrophic Diabetes events were sure to ensue.
I knew that no matter how bad of a day or how distracted I was with all of my personal stuff, I knew that I had to test my blood before every meal, snack and in between. Be sure to correct if anything got out of whack, and it did but I always knew how to deal with it and move on. I can’t say that I was always so fortunate with my personal dealings. Because of the constant blood tests, site changes, constant carb counting and many many correction boluses, I had a foundation that I knew I had to keep level or else everything would come crashing down.
As of lately, I have been able to move on from the personal issues I have been dealing with in regards to the divorce and try to move on with my personal life. So, I would think back to life as usual. If only it were that easy. I have decided to venture into the shark infested waters of dating. For me, it has been almost 6 years since that has happened so it feels a little like highsch0ol again. Fortunately, Diabetes is there to keep everything in perspective for me. Wow, that sounds so weird to read that last sentence. I don’t know if I would have every thought I would rely on Diabetes to keep my life in perspective.
So I have been out on a few dates single venturing into those shark infested waters. Diabetes has always been there and have even brought it up in conversation on each of the dates. To my surprise, each of the women I have gone out with were familiar with Diabetes due to some type of family involvement (grandmother with Type 2, uncle with Type 2, Friends brother with Type 1) So, it made it less uncomfortable having to deal with my routines in front of them (not that it would have made a difference anyway, this just leads to less explanation of everything) Well, one person in particular that I have gone on a number of dates with has really sparked my interest. Good thing, yes? well, not so sure.
I am, and I feel that this is an unfortunate thing for me at this point, a very affectionate person. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and tend to go full throttle when it comes to my heart. So, its kind of difficult for me to go slow when I have a connection with someone and I do with this person. She admits that she feels the definite connection. This made me very happy when I heard this. So, my Diabetes is there keeping me stable, keeping me honest and keeping me from spinning out of control. I am hoping that the rest of my life will kind of follow suit. Well, this week I am definitely not feeling that. Because of the way I am with my emotions and feeling, when I don’t get reciprocated those feelings, especially early on, I worry. Well that is what has been happening all week with “the girl.” I will normally send her a text in the morning and maybe one in the afternoon and then in the even we will chat for a bit. Well, I have been getting virtually no response back from her almost all week. Makes me worry.
This is why I wish that all of my life was more like Diabetes. Diabetes, I am the one who has the control (as much as it likes to think it controls me, and does a pretty good job of attempting it at time) and I get to dictate, for the most part, how things turn out. I can count on Diabetes to be there. I can count on Diabetes to let me know if I am slacking on something. I can count on Diabetes….
I only wish I could say the same for the other things in my life.
It really sounds strange for me to say but I realize that the most stable thing at this point in my life is my Diabetes.
I’m sorry to hear that everything’s been so crazy lately. I know how crazy emotional stress can be on diabetes. But I also know how diabetes can keep everything in perspective. Having something to focus on, even if it is the pain-in-the-neck of having diabetes, can help you keep things “normal” and gives you something to work toward.
As for the shark infested dating waters…well, let’s just say I wish you luck. I may end up single forever, but sometimes I think that is easier than dating. LOL
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I debate on when to bring up diabetes with a brand new person – particularly if it’s online dating (as opposed to meeting out or a fix-up). I don’t feel inclined to mention on the first date unless a topic actually fits in. I take a bathroom break to test and pump. I might or might not mention it on a second. By the third, I feel more inclined…and not all that many people make it to the third. I don’t really feel like I’m hiding it…but I do give it consideration every so often.
Dating is hard.
I feel you on this, my migraines and back pain is one constant in my ever changing life. Sad that it is something on the negative spectrum instead something more positive than pain. You are an amazing person, and I know its rough to be alone. Just try not to move too fast, I know how you are. ;P I Love you very much and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Love, Z
I am so sorry to hear about your separation and divorce. Dealing with diabetes when personal issues are not running as smoothly as we would like can be a major challenge (or at least it can for me). I do agree that a lot of times I tend to stress less because I know that will only make my diabetes spin out of control.
Hopefully your life we smooth back out and even if it’s not with “the girl” you will find happiness with a wonderful, supportive woman of your dreams.
Chris, just read a couple of your posts. You were recommended by Kelly K. You’re a good writer, thanks for being honest.
I recently went through pretty hard break-up, and I’m getting back into the dating scene. I know how you feel.
It’s weird, but good, to know that Diabetes is a constant in my life, and I can control it. And that makes me feel OK, most of the time. So yeah, thanks for writing about these things, I think a lot of people don’t expect it from guys. Good on ya!
I can see how diabetes can be the stable rock that is there for you right now. You’ve been through a whirlwind of “stuff” over the past bunch of months, so it makes sense. I think you’ve always been good at finding a positive spin on almost anything, and it shows here.